Who really knows?

SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL...
I JUST DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!!!

But who really cares anyway?

It doesn't help that I didn't go last class. That's why I feel lost right now. I know what I need to do just so unmotivated. I've literally been sitting here for a few hours just staring at the computer screen. What if it's not good enough? I can't get that out of my head.

Joe and I are starting to go apartment shopping. It's a little bit nerve wrecking really. I mean this is the place that I will be moving into soon as well. In 150 days we will be married. It's all so scary. And wonderful, but mostly scary right now. When we walked into our first viewing of a cute apartment together I couldn't help but grin like an idiot. My mind was racing as to where the bed would go, how to make the bathroom look prettier, what my future office would look like. What color would I want to paint each room, and wondering if it would be enough closet space? What side of the bed would I be on and where the light would flow into the room. It's overwhelming. I couldn't help but dream about the future and what will be. I mean that's the point of moving forward right? To make new dreams and develop new goals. Oh the butterflies. Would that be our first apartment? I'm growing up so fast, and I'm glad Joe still loves me even though I asked 10000000 times what he thought the next step with the apartment should be. Can we afford it? I mean can we really? Should we look for cheaper? Bigger? I'm so new to this game. It doesn't help that we are both indecisive.

In other news, I got my highboy table ties in. Joe and I ordered 11 yellow and 11 orange in satin. They are really pretty, and it was the first thing I've purchased that has the wedding colors yellow and orange.

I plan on booking the food soon. Lou Malnati's it is!
Mmmmm....I should ask for a tasting. hahaha

stress

It's funny how my mindset has changed so much in just a year. I remember being so excited to get married and plan a wedding! I am still very happy and 100% sure that I'm doing the right thing, but the excitement has changed a little bit into stress. There is just so much going on in my head about the wedding((s) with my brother's wedding also around the corner), school, work,  and the future in general. There is so much that is changing, and as normal as it is, I'm scared. I glad to have Joe by my side. I couldn't do it without him, but I can't help but feel like I need more help or encouragement. Planning a wedding is hard. Going to school is hard. Going to school and feeling completely lost, is even harder. Work is just work. Being worried about the future is hard. Put that in a blender and it is a recipe for stress/mini breakdown. I think it has been slowly hitting me, and it all just caught up to me. A little bit yesterday, and little bit more today.

Maybe I am just a little bit lonely. I have Joe of coarse, but sometimes you need a friend. Everyone is just so busy all the time. Who knows. I'm just scared to be a real grown up. It is going to be fantastic to be married, but with that comes hard times too. The good outweighs the bad. That is love. As long as you have that, nothing else matters as much. I wish Joe didn't have night hours. I want to be in his arms and play Mario on the Wii. haha.

Perhaps I just need to pray more and be more in tune with the big man upstairs. At church yesterday I prayed what was going on and what was running through my head and broke down a tiny bit. I just need a hug.

That was my mini rant I guess. I just can't ask for help. I think I realized that when it counts, I can't do it. I can't ask for help unless it is Joe or my mom that I am asking. In some ways I'm super dependent, and in others I am the exact opposite. I keep to myself with the big things. Even the small sometimes. Even when people ask about the wedding it is a hit or miss. I usually just say it's going ok and that is the end of the convo. I mean who actually cares? Who actually wants to hear about somebody rambling about their wedding? Just me, my mom, Joe, and those who are getting married themselves. I kind of freeze when it comes to the wedding. When I met up with the Day of Coordinators, I kind of just froze. My mind just too scatterbrained. It takes a couple of minute to load all the information. I swear I am an old lady at times. 

I know everything will work out, and when it doesn't work out it is for a reason. God won't put me through anything I can't handle. I know that.

Sorry for the rambling. I just needed to write it down. This is my blog after all. :)

Whenever I get a little bit stressed about the wedding I just think of that moment when he sees me, and I can tell he likes what he sees. haha.  I don't know how couples can just stand there at the alter without jumping on one another. I plan to give him a huge hug. Multiple actually. Ok, at least one big one in the very beginning. I don't think I will be able to hold my emotions. That, I can't wait for. :)

Oh yeah, before I forget to write about.... Joe and I (ok just Joe, I stood their terrified), asked the Pastor if he would marry us! He said yes! It was super busy though, and we couldn't talk about it. We will have to meet up with him soon. :)

CAKE!

I love making cakes! It gives me a huge satisfaction to see the end result.
An even bigger satisfaction is to see people's reactions!
It also helps too when I see them eat the cake without stopping or saying
a word until the end. Although I can't take much credit for the taste,
I can take credit, along with my mom, for the look.

I made this cake last weekend for my cousin's birthday as a request from my aunt. 

Wedding shoes and stress free news! haha

I haven't really progressed too much in the wedding planning. I am still searching for the catering. I think I have pretty much found the rental company, but catering is something I still feel really lost on. I can't go over budget on this. I am stressing out about it. Stressing like crazy. It will work out in the end...

I have purchased the shoes though! I am so excited! They came in the mail today, and I love them! I am concerned that I will be taller then Joe. I am almost sure I will be at least as tall with those 5 inch heals. We'll see. I really love them, and it would stink to have to return them. I plan on trying them on with Joe blindfolded next to me. Hahaha.

I am about to book.....(drum roll please).....
A wedding planner! More specifically, a day of coordinator. If somebody would have told me a year ago that I would hire one, I probably would have laughed in their face. As this planning comes closer to the big day, I have come to the realization that I will have to go through so many vendors. I am so worried that I, or somebody close to me will have to run around like crazy on that day. I am also worried about the room change. I don't want any family member to have to lift a finger. The rental companies that I have corresponded with have told me that they either don't do a room change, or I found out that the price was insane and it wouldn't even include putting up the decorations! That is when I saw a wedding deal online with The Smitten Bride. I quickly e-mailed them for more information. I met up with them, and my mom, Joe, and I fell in love with them. I  met up with two ladies from the team and loved their personalities. I was worried, because I recently attended a bridal expo and when asked about a room change, (in her loud and slightly obnoxious voice) she stated that the catering company would do it. I was scared they would give me the same attitude. When we asked The Smitten Bride, there response made me feel so great. They will have their team physically do the room change! They will make sure everything is put together exactly how I want it. I instantly felt relieved. We left so excited and my mom felt a lot calmer. That was super important to me. We are about to sign the contract within the next day or so. Now they do offer a lot more then just the room change, but that was my main concern. They will assist with other things such as creating a timeline (which has stressed me out since we are having a cocktail only reception), they will be in charge of the rehearsal, they will be there all day on my wedding, they will set up and break down, make sure to oversee the other vendors, they will look over all the contracts and make sure everything is perfect, and many other things. The best part? A stress free day. 


I am a little stressed, but also really excited.

194 days...

Until the wedding!

I can't believe it's already 2012. I'm sitting here typing up this blog a year and one day after Joe purposed to me. Ahh such sweet memories.

I have really been slacking in the planning department. I planned to do some planning in December, but with work and Christmas, I never really felt up to it. I am finally anxious and ready to continue the planning. Below are things I have already booked/purchased.

1. Venue - Kitchen Chicago
2. DJ -  Windy City Mix
3. Photographer - AE Photography
4. Dress - David's Bridal

My next goal is the table/chair rentals and catering. This has been ridiculously difficult. Everything is so expensive. I knew what I was getting into, but it doesn't make it any easier. My biggest worry is the room transformation after the ceremony into the reception. I've been watching a lot of Whose Wedding is it Anyway? and it makes me long for a wedding planner who can make everything go smoothly. Those are just so expensive. 

I am now trying to find somebody who can make jewelry. I know what necklace of my dreams looks like, I just need somebody to make it!

My small goals are to create a timeline of the day and brainstorm on what the decor will consist of. It will help to book the rentals first, so that I know exactly how much I have. 

I need to finalize the save-the-dates and send them out this month!

Bridesmaids dresses need to be picked out (this month?) and purchased soon

Ahh, I also need to start eating better and losing weight! This starts tomorrow! 

So much to do!

Street photography

There is a lot of magic in analog photography, but that all happens in the dark room. It's that moment when your image magically appears on the paper. It's frustrating at times, not knowing the immediate result. At the end of the day, I enjoyed that class, but digital is the way to go. You can take a picture and see the immediate results. I am currently in a digital photography class and for my last project, I originally wanted to do street portraits. I wanted to go out there and ask people to take their picture. I was inspired by Clay Enos from a youtube video my brother showed me. 

It was an experience. I'm too scared to ask people, so I got my assistant to go with me haha. Joe was amazing. He asked the people, and I shot the photos. It was not a good day to go out. It was drizzling and super windy on Michigan Ave. It was also very cold. Nobody wanted to stop and get their picture taken. A lot of them said no. The photo below was of someone who agreed. He called himself a space scientist director or something. He was an interesting character to say the least. After all the NOs, the day was well worth it after this man agreed. Here is one of the photos I am almost done editing. 

Who inspires you to shoot? Who are your favorite photographers?

Statement Necklaces!

I've been trying to find the perfect statement necklace for my dress. It's not just any dress, it's the dress. So the necklace has to be perfect! Those who know me, know my obsession for jewelry that has been around since I was 13. I feel like this necklace has to be fantastic, but more importantly, unique. Here are some necklaces that I love, but just aren't quite the one. I haven't given up though! The truth is, the necklace I fell in love with is by Vera Wang and is no longer available. It's probably better for my pocket this way. haha!

Necklace from Ebay!  

This is so pretty and super affordable!

This is a necklace you can rent, and then buy if you love it! 

How awesome is that! It isn't that affordable, but is by the designer Kenneth Jay Lane. 

www.bagborroworsteal.com

I kind of liked this one. I'm not so sure anymore. 

http://dramatic-jewels.com/products/crystal-bridal-necklace-on-multi-strand-collar

This one is no longer available. 

It isn't exactly what I would want for a wedding.

It is a fantastic necklace though. I want it! 

Versace Necklace

This one isn't available anymore, 

but you can look on amazon for some great prices on jewelry.

Amazon!

This is a dream necklace. Tom Binns is a fantastic designer. 

For those who really want a statement and some color, this one is a dream!

Tom Binns

I'm so sorry for the screenshots. It wouldn't let me copy the images.

These two necklaces are fantastic. I've never purchased anything from this

website but their jewelry is simply amazing. I love the second piece for incorporating 

black into their Designer inspired statement necklace. It is stunning. I'm considering this one for a rehearsal dinner or something. The prices are super affordable. 

www.happilyeverafterjewelry.net/#!designer-celebrity-inspired/productsstackergallery3=20

Those are all the necklaces that I love. The one's that I love the most, I can't share just in case Joe stumbles on this blog! 

What statement necklaces are you in love with? 

melissaisaiphotography.com