stress

It's funny how my mindset has changed so much in just a year. I remember being so excited to get married and plan a wedding! I am still very happy and 100% sure that I'm doing the right thing, but the excitement has changed a little bit into stress. There is just so much going on in my head about the wedding((s) with my brother's wedding also around the corner), school, work,  and the future in general. There is so much that is changing, and as normal as it is, I'm scared. I glad to have Joe by my side. I couldn't do it without him, but I can't help but feel like I need more help or encouragement. Planning a wedding is hard. Going to school is hard. Going to school and feeling completely lost, is even harder. Work is just work. Being worried about the future is hard. Put that in a blender and it is a recipe for stress/mini breakdown. I think it has been slowly hitting me, and it all just caught up to me. A little bit yesterday, and little bit more today.

Maybe I am just a little bit lonely. I have Joe of coarse, but sometimes you need a friend. Everyone is just so busy all the time. Who knows. I'm just scared to be a real grown up. It is going to be fantastic to be married, but with that comes hard times too. The good outweighs the bad. That is love. As long as you have that, nothing else matters as much. I wish Joe didn't have night hours. I want to be in his arms and play Mario on the Wii. haha.

Perhaps I just need to pray more and be more in tune with the big man upstairs. At church yesterday I prayed what was going on and what was running through my head and broke down a tiny bit. I just need a hug.

That was my mini rant I guess. I just can't ask for help. I think I realized that when it counts, I can't do it. I can't ask for help unless it is Joe or my mom that I am asking. In some ways I'm super dependent, and in others I am the exact opposite. I keep to myself with the big things. Even the small sometimes. Even when people ask about the wedding it is a hit or miss. I usually just say it's going ok and that is the end of the convo. I mean who actually cares? Who actually wants to hear about somebody rambling about their wedding? Just me, my mom, Joe, and those who are getting married themselves. I kind of freeze when it comes to the wedding. When I met up with the Day of Coordinators, I kind of just froze. My mind just too scatterbrained. It takes a couple of minute to load all the information. I swear I am an old lady at times. 

I know everything will work out, and when it doesn't work out it is for a reason. God won't put me through anything I can't handle. I know that.

Sorry for the rambling. I just needed to write it down. This is my blog after all. :)

Whenever I get a little bit stressed about the wedding I just think of that moment when he sees me, and I can tell he likes what he sees. haha.  I don't know how couples can just stand there at the alter without jumping on one another. I plan to give him a huge hug. Multiple actually. Ok, at least one big one in the very beginning. I don't think I will be able to hold my emotions. That, I can't wait for. :)

Oh yeah, before I forget to write about.... Joe and I (ok just Joe, I stood their terrified), asked the Pastor if he would marry us! He said yes! It was super busy though, and we couldn't talk about it. We will have to meet up with him soon. :)